So I gave things a think...

When grandpa goes to bed at about 9, and mom calls it a day at about 11, it gives me a chance to sit alone for a little while...

And for me, being alone translates into thinking time.

So I gave my current situation a little thought. And you know what I came up with?

I'm actually pretty damn happy with my stupid little life.

I have a college degree, and a good job. I have a nice little home in the city, and a place in a smaller town to come back to whenever the mood strikes. I have my health. I have the love of my family. I have a handful of really wonderful friends... Even if they are spread all over the country... And in some cases, the world.

This is not to imply that it's all been sunshine and lollipops. It hasn't.

In my brief time spent on this little blue-green marble of the universe, I've also known sadness, loss, rejection, defeat, misery, abandonment, grief, struggle, and pain. I've witnessed death, in both terrible and wonderful circumstances.

I've saved a life or two. I've traveled some. I've worked shitty jobs that make me appreciate the luck I've had in getting where I am now. I've felt heartbreak. I've been told that I am beautiful. I've felt the despair of hopelessness, and I've found faith in the strangest of places. I've seen the destruction of addiction, and the redemption of recovery. I've known no great love outside of my own family, but I have the love of my friends, and for now, I'm content in feeling like that is enough.

Anthony, in one of his more philosophical moments, once told me that I'm an old soul. And I think he's right.

I don't pretend to know everything... In fact, I know that in the grand scheme of things, I know relatively little. But for some strange reason, I'm the signpost that a lot of people come to when they are looking for direction. I've been told I'm wise, but I think the person who told me that was a fool, so by comparison I might have only seemed wise.

I've known laughter and joy... LOTS of laughter.

I know the joy of giving and of helping.

I know how to do lots of things. A conglomeration of random things that no ordinary person would ever need to know how to do. I can knit, weave a basket, make jewelry out of raw metal, paint a picture, build a house, solve quadratic equations with my eyes closed, saddle a horse, perform CPR, diagram a sentence, I can weld. I can tell you about the properties of numerous elements on the periodic table... Including the inert gases, I can bait my own fishing hook, and I can hold my liquor. I can dissect an animal with precision scalpel strokes, I can sew a hem into a new pair of pants. I can quote baseball stats off the top of my head, and recite the 50 most common prepositions in alphabetical order. I can delegate responsibilities to a group, I can fake my way through a test on the anatomy, structure, and function of the human nervous system without ever attending class or cracking a book, I can settle disputes with minimal effort, I can make just about anyone believe anything even though I don't make a habit of lying, and I can play a couple of musical instruments reasonably well.

But you know what? None of that means anything. I'm not trying to brag or boast. I don't want fame or fortune for my abilities. I don't need validation from anyone else. I don't need accolades or ovations.

As for the bad stuff that I've seen or experienced, I wouldn't change any of it, because it has made me more appreciative of the good stuff, and it has made me who I am.

I don't really know what I'm getting at here, but this post kinda is what it is.

I just want you all to know that for once, I'm pretty damn happy.

And right now that is enough.