UMM, NO... NOW GO AWAY!

No, not you! You can stay!

The title of this post is dedicated to the people who seem to be really ok with bothering me on my day off.

As I previously stated, I wanted to go to "my coffee shop" because it's my day off, and that's what I like to do on my days off! So I put on the skinny jeans and off I went!

And as I sat there, composing one of the previous 2 entries, a skeezy old man came into my coffee shop and helped himself to a seat at my table... Now, I'm not being greedy here, I am more than willing to share my coffee shop with other coffee-loving patrons, and under certain circumstances, I'm even willing to share a table with someone I don't know... But today was not one of those days, and these were not those circumstances.

As I sat there, my laptop taking up the bulk of my favorite little table in the front window (which it should be noted is a SMALL table, that is beset by two chairs, and even that's a little optimistic, because it is a very small table), my gloves, cell phone, and large cup of coffee taking up pretty much all of the remaining space, and my laptop bag and coat resting comfortably in the other chair...

::Enter skeezy old guy::

(It should be noted that this is just a little neighborhood coffee shop, it is populated by a small group of regulars, the anonymous masses tend to crowd into the starbucks a couple blocks away.)

Now the shop isn't particularly full today, and there are several open tables in the middle and back of the place... but for some inexplicable reason the skeezy guy decides to make himself at home AT MY TABLE!

I say inexplicably, because it was abundantly clear that there was no space for him or his coffee at my table. He didn't even ask as he went to move my coat and laptop bag to an empty chair at a nearby empty table. (Yeah, that's right, the next table over was EMPTY, and he still thought it would be ok to move my shit over there so that he could sit at MY table.)

As he went to move my posessions, I glared at him and he questioningly looked back at me and said, "WHAT??"

Of course, knowing that manners are going to be totally out in 2006, (being the YEAR OF THE RUDE, and all) I said, "WHAT? You are asking me 'WHAT?' as you move my things without asking me?"

"Well, I just thought..." he stammered

"No, clearly you didn't think, because a thoughtful person would sit at the empty table and not disturb someone who is obviously busy... and they certainly would THINK enough to ask before moving that person's belongings before assuming that it's ok to make yourself at home."

"Uhhhh...."

I think he got the picture that he was not wanted. He ran off to the back somewhere.

Yeah, I'm a bitch, but I'm totally PMSing right now, so I'm surprisingly ok with it.

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While we're on the topic of people who I don't want in MY coffee shop, let's just note that it's really frickin' cold in Chicago in December. And as I've already noted, MY table is in the front of the shop.

In walks a middle aged woman.

::Howling gale of cold December wind enters as she opens the door::

Speaking largely to herself, "Hmm, did he come in here?"

::Woman looks around briefly and exits, letting in more cold wind::

A couple of moments later, as the chilly air is starting to dissipate, she apparently still can't find "Him..."

::Naturally, woman RE-ENTERS the shop, this time HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN as she looks around for her counterpart::

Lizzle: "Hey, it's cold out! You mind closing the door?"
Lady: "Huh?"
Lizzle: "Ok, slower and in smaller words... IN OR OUT?!?!"
Lady: "Oh... uhh, sorry!"
Lizzle: "Yeah."

Like I said before, I'm totally being bitchy today, but I'm PMSing, so it's allowed... and I got a look from the owner of the shop, who clearly thought I had said the one thing that he had wished to say but couldn't because he didn't want to offend her before she spent money in the shop. I winked at him and continued with my business.