Yeah, I have a gay husband... but you... You REALLY have a gay husband.

So a couple of things...

I have a friend who apparently had gastric bypass surgery. She has lost 75 lbs in the last few months, and she looks incredible!

So incredible, in fact, that she is engaged to a gay man.

Yeah. You read that right.

She has decided to go ahead and marry a gay man. And here comes the kicker.

She's doing it so that he can get a green card and stay in the country.

I'm not kidding.

(I swear my life, and the characters in it should totally be a sit-com.)

Yeah, he's a gay Irishman, and they are getting hitched so that he can stay in the country. I told her that no matter what happens, I want an invitation to this wedding! It's going to be fabulous!

I swear, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

The autobiography that I will one day write will be absolutely unbelievable.

=====================================================

Speaking of marriages, I presently have an on-going flirtation with a married man.

No, I'm not going to do anything to compromise a marriage, and no, I don't take this seriously at all, but here's the skinny.

Basically, I was bartending at a company Christmas party, and being nothing but my fabulous self, this married guy starts chatting me up. Literally like 4 feet away from his wife.

(Now I will say this, I am WAY hotter than his wife, and he is an attractive guy, but none of that matters!)

So by the end of the evening, this guy gives me his phone number and asks for mine, and says we should go out sometime.

So last night I got 2 text messages from the guy.

I'm standing in the bar, and I jumped when the phone vibrated in my pocket. The following conversation ensued:

Anthony: "WOOOOO! Booty call!"
Liz: "No, it's not the booty call... wait... who is this? ...OH MY GOD! It's the married guy!"
Anthony: "MARRIED GUY BOOTY CALL!"
Liz: "No no no no no no..."
Bridget: "Married guy booty call? Liz don't mess with the married guys, they never leave their wives."
Liz: "Oh, I'm not messing around with him... he just started texting me! And I sure as hell don't want him leaving his wife, because A.) I won't be doing anything that should make him want to leave his wife, and B.) Well... there really isn't a B.)"
Bridget: "So why did you even give him your number?"
Liz: "Because it's a harmless flirtation, and if he wants to go out, and buy me drinks, I'm gonna let him... That's liquor I don't have to pay for!"
Bridget & Anthony: "Oh."


So I got two more calls from the guy tonight... I find this strangely amusing.

Why do I only manage to attract homosexuals, rejects, and unavailable men?

======================================================

QOTD

Liz: "What's that guy's name again?"
Anthony: "Ummm, I forgot."
Liz: "It began with a K."
Anthony: "Ummmm.... Kazoo?"