Seriously, I'm not worried about you bitches getting all mad at me, I'm worried about the bitches I bartend for. I had one call me getting all pissy because the list of necessary party supplies I gave her was so long.
She was all like "I don't see how you don't bring anything, and we have to buy all this stuff, and we still have to pay you."
I always reply with the same response: "I'm sorry sir/ma'am, but those are all things that we need to run a full service bar, I don't bring anything other than my shaker kit, bartending tools and my skills, because it is your guests who will be consuming the beverages. And the reason my hourly wage is what it is, is because I trained and have the skills to quickly and correctly mix the drinks people order, so that they don't have to."
Just so we're clear, here's the list... (and I admit it is pretty long.) I send it in the form of an e-mail because it's easier for bitches to print it out and avoid misunderstandings about what I say over the phone. So here's the e-mail I send: (party of 50)
Dear Client X,
This is the list of necessary supplies for the party.
non-liquor needs:
3 - 2 liter bottles of Tonic water.
3- 4 2 liter bottles of Soda water.
2 - 2 liter bottles of Sprite or 7up
2- 3 2 liter bottles of Coke or Pepsi
1-2 2 liter bottles of diet coke or diet pepsi
1 gallon Orange juice
1-2 gallon(s) cranberry juice
1 large bottle of sweet & sour mix
Napkins (estimate 6 per guest)
Sip/stir sticks (estimate 4 per guest)
6 limes
3 lemons
1 small jar cherries
1 jar olives.
8-12 bottles of water.
Ice - Estimate 1 lb per guest, plus roughly 3-4 bags for beer and wine cooling
Alcoholic needs -
2-3 liters vodka
1-2 bottles whiskey
1 bottle rum (Jose Cuervo Gold mixes well with just about anything, and eliminates need for separate bottles of a light and a dark rum)
1 bottle bourbon
1-2 liters gin
1 bottle scotch
1 small bottle sweet vermouth
1 small bottle dry vermouth
1 bottle triple sec
1 bottle schnapp's apple pucker
6* bottles of wine - 4 white (chardonnay) 2 red (cabernet) (*You know the guests better than I do, so if there are a lot of wine drinkers, more wine is would be advisable)
6* cases beer - 3 cases regular beer, 3 cases light beer (*Again you know the guests better than I do, so if there are a lot of beer drinkers, more beer is advised)
When we spoke on the phone you mentioned you were wanting to do a couple kinds of specialty martinis, in the list I've included everything that will be needed to do apple martinis and cosmopolitans, if you have any additional specialty needs, contact me, and I can advise you on any additional needs.
I've noted in my experience that it is better to have too much rather than not enough, and you can always take unopend merchandise back to the liquor store.
Thank you, and I look forward to working for you.
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call me at (xxx)-xxx-xxxx!
~Liz~
And that's roughly the time I get phone calls... Don't ask me why, but apparently these bitches thought having an open bar and a hired-out bartender would be cheap... I don't know what gave them that idea... Silly bitches!
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I'm getting all excited about my interview. Not because the job is so great, because it really isn't that great of a job, but the bitches pay well, and it will get me the hell out of the tanning business! Hell, they could offer to pay me in bananas and mangoes, and I'd probably still take it just to get the hell out of the tanning business!
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QOTD:
I was at work the other night, and Cody, the bitch who beat me to the punch on being the first to quit came in to get his last paycheck. As he was leaving he told me he was running to the Jewel to get something to eat, and he asked me if I wanted anything... I was taken aback, because it was someone who was offering to do something nice for me... those bitches never offer to do anything nice for anyone, so it's clear we let go of the only decent person we had on staff.)
Cody: "Well, it was nice visiting with you."
Liz: "Yeah it was good to see you too! Don't be a stranger."
Cody: "Hey, I'm going to the Jewel to get something to eat, you want anything?"
Liz: "No, right now I'm ok, but thanks for offering! That is damn decent of you."
Cody: "Ehh it's nothing, I've had this shift before and I just know that while I was working I've been sitting there, ready to gnaw my arm off!"
Liz: "Well, I'm ready to gnaw my arm off, but more likely out of boredom than hunger."
Cody: "I know that feeling!"
Later I was on the phone with my mom
Mom: "Hey! How's everything going?"
Liz: "Ehh, I'm so hungry, to quote Cody, I'm ready gnaw my arm off."
Mom: "Better that than eating your toenails."
Liz: "SICK!! MOM, THAT'S F-ING DISGUSTING!"
Mom: "What? I'm just trying to give you an alternative!"
Liz: "Well I think I'll stick to gnawing on my arm if it comes to that."
Mom: "That's fine, and you'll probably qualify for disability if you go on interviews with only one arm."
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