I still don't have to like it...

*** I'll preface this by noting that this is one of those posts that I don't expect many of you to actually read and enjoy... I know this isn't why you come here, but I'm writing out of a need for some kind of catharsis.

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Your friends are the ones who are the ones who tell you when you're fucking up... even when they know you don't want to hear it.

True friends forgive hearing from you about the negative things that have to do with themselves that they would much rather not hear at all. To coin a cheap, but so very true phrase, it's their way of saving you. They are trying to "be cruel to be kind."

The real friends know it's going to hurt, but they say it anyway.

They point out the things that are obvious to everyone but you. And they make it clear to you that there is no more sense in denying it any longer.

If it's a genuine friendship, the trespass of pointing these things out should be forgiven, no matter the manner in which they address the matter. You don't have to like it, but it won't make it any less true.

I've lost more than one friend this way. I was the one pointing things out, because I am a natural critic. I am willing to let a lot of things slide to a certain point, but then comes the time where it takes so much energy to avoid saying things that need to be said that it can't be avoided any longer. This abrupt shift in tolerance for the problems has cost me a few relationships. I would like to say that I'm sorry about that, but I'm not. Yes I'm sorry I lost people who I cared about, but I'm not sorry I spoke my mind about things that inevitably would've eventually driven us apart anyway. Hopefully somewhere in there I said something that someone found helpful, even if it didn't seem that way at the time.

Today I got my own reality check. Two people I care for immensely pointed out something that I have been more than a little reluctant to admit. They pointed out the fact that I was refusing to see the forest for the trees. I was blind to my own rather large faults. At first, I was a little pissed off that they thought what they did... and then I thought about it. They were right on the money. They knew me well enough, and thought enough of me to flat out tell me that I was not going about any of it the right way. The fact that they thought enough of me to tell me is a debt that I can't ever begin to repay.

Your friends do this because they care about you. They want to save you from any pain and heartache that might come as a result of your own BLIND actions. They know you well enough to see down the road, and know that little, if any, good is going to come from it. And the only little good that can come of it is another painful lesson learned the hard way.

So here is my advice. (Please take it only for what it is worth.)

Just because they are right doesn't mean you have to like it, because they are certainly noting a fault; but just because you don't like it doesn't make it any less true.

Thank you, Michael and Anthony.